Light Likes Cock
by ErmengardeSecret
Summary: The coarse and vulgar language is both quite apt and yet alien to the bizarre compulsion that has suddenly stricken Light. He is filled with self-loathing, driven mad by an intense yet not really sexual impulse that no one could understand. Least of all L


Light likes cock.

The coarse and vulgar language is both quite apt and yet alien to the bizarre compulsion that has suddenly stricken Light. He is filled with self-loathing and disgust as he drifts away from the perfect and intellectual young man he used to be, driven mad by an intense yet not really sexual impulse that no one could understand. Least of all L.

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A/N: And now for something completely different. And I really mean that.

Basically I imagine this fic as a crack idea forced upon the characters with realistic reactions to it.

If this does not make you review I do not know what will…Please do.

God, I sicken myself...But it's a delicious type of twisted.

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Disgusting. There were a thousand terms Light could and indeed would ascribe to the situation, the element of psychology and sexual deviance which had made up a portion of his criminology studies alone provided him with a broad range of terminology, however that one adjective seemed the most adequate, the most apt. Disgusting.

In the stale morning Light went through the motions, moved his body dumbly, shifted his limbs and mouthed the words; he was but an imitation now, a performance of his former self. It was horrific in a very real, tangible, dull way, a way that he tasted in each grey day when he forced himself out of bed.

He showers, he eats, he drinks, he moves mechanically from room to room, and all the while is subject to his aching open-eyed torture.

Another day just thinking about _it_.

He can't think about anything else, it's insane, it's terrifying, it's unbearable, utterly unbearable but Light simply cannot think anymore. He only has one thing he wants. He sits still in silence, his eyes glossed, his whole functioning dead. He fidgets he bites his nails, he forces himself to eat, to do anything. In the last few days Light has eaten so much that he has thrown up twice simply because he had forced so much down his throat in his desperation to find some distraction in physical stimuli. But everything is worthless.

He used to adore technology now he sees only ugly, unengaging lumps of metal; the whirr or electric and all the processing just makes him feel sick. He used to love numbers, words, literature, science, the arts, all the works of the mind and the highest state of mankind; the point of near transcendence. Now all these delightful complexities hold nothing of interest to him, because of his fixation.

He used to be a genius, his mind used to glitter and shine, he used to be full of enthusiasm and brilliance. Now he finds himself incapable of anything. The team has noticed, the fact is inescapable; coupled with L depression Light's own lack of interest in the investigation it is completely evident. Light hates to be looked on with fresh eyes, eyes full of disappointment, as the investigation hits a dead end. But he can't help it, he just can't. He doesn't know what to do.

It had been an inevitable consequence, under the conditions of Light's release, that neat little chain, that Light and L would have to endure an uncomfortable proximity and all the inconveniences that this produced. However L had talked Light through all the possible issues at the beginning of the arrangement and had been careful to afford Light as much space and privacy as possible. At the time Light had almost been quite surprised by L's consideration however when he reflected upon it he realised L himself was used to privacy and would naturally wish to avoid any uncomfortable or unpleasant situations.

Even so L did, when both possible and reasonable, prefer to maintain the proximity between them that the chain otherwise enforced. Therefore L and Light would share the bathroom in the morning and evening when it was just for the purposes of showering and changing. Showering together, literally, was something that Light had rather expected. In fact it seemed quite logical to him that this should be the arrangement and it was not at all inconvenient, L having a dual shower system build in the bathroom suite. It was just like a public shower but only for two and far more comfortable. Light had showered in front of other guys before, he was very much an athletic young man and used to participate in many sports, showering afterwards amongst boys his own age. He was also a product of a traditional Japanese society with its communal attitude to bathing. Nudity in such a context seemed quite natural to him. In fact at first he showered beside L with an instinctual ease, washing and dressing alongside the other man without a second thought.

But on a day when time was not an issue and Light was more awake than usual his mind had time to wander. He was aware of L's awkward movements, of the other man's mannerisms and routine. He was not interested, the simple actions of washing and dressing were not those that Light could ever consider engaging, but he was blandly curious. He looked at L's naked back to see if he actually had a hunch, as his posture always seemed to suggest, smirking at the action as he observed L's smooth broad back, free from any form of deformity or imperfection.

Such considerations were entirely mundane. However Light decided to observe L's body completely, once again still driven by only bland interest. He was himself entirely content with his own body, he was aware of his own beauty, but he still felt the need to make a comparison, in the way that all young men are inclined to.

When Light thought about it afterward he simply wanted to drive his nails through his skin and claw his own brain out. Tear himself apart from the shame and disgust, absolute shuddering revulsion.

It had been bland, so simple, so completely pure and dull. But he had just glanced, just glanced down to his side. Just to see, to compare…

He felt like he couldn't bear to live when he reflected upon that one chance moment. He felt so sick with himself even when the memory softly took hold and smoothed out his pain.

He wouldn't know how to describe it, even if he had been so inclined to, he tried to explain it to himself many times afterwards, to try and unravel what could possibly have taken such a thorough hold over him.

But he had just glanced down…he had just looked…he had glanced across to look at L's dick…but what he saw wiped aside all his intentions and thoughts. It wasn't a _dick_, it wasn't a _cock_, Light was unsure with the use of base slang in any case but in terms of L's genitals he found that there was no term which answered the cause. There was no word for what L had, there just wasn't.

It was just…_perfect_…Light's mind at first had just been wiped blank with shock while he stared at the perfect, perfect instrument between L's thighs. He had not believed that that part of the body could ever be actually attractive, not like that in any case, not in the absolute way of L's. If asked to imagine the perfect physical ideal for a man, the epitomizing image, in the style of Leonardo Da Vinci; the quest for artistic perfection, he would not have been able to answer for that area at all. But when he looked upon L then it was the first thing that came into his mind.

It was perfect. He just stared at it, his mind blank for all except for this one observance.

It was perfectly smooth, L was completely hairless, and the smooth flesh transitioned from the milky white of L's thighs into a just slightly more flushed hue. It was a medium, comfortable size, just right in both length and girth, a gorgeous six and a half inches of smooth, perfect flesh.

Light had torn his eyes away, terrified that L might notice him staring but in his mind the vision of the unbelievable treasure that L had been blessed with burned brightly. It was all he thought about that day. It was all he had thought about ever since. He lived his life now for just those few seconds each day when he had the chance to catch a glimpse again.

He couldn't explain it, not even to himself, the only real thought that he could articulate was that L's penis was _nice_. Just so nice. He just wanted to be able to touch it, to play with it.

He couldn't believe this desire that had taken over him. It wasn't even properly sexual, it was just an obsession with something which happened to be a part of L's body, that just happened to be a sexual organ.

Anything else would have been preferable. _Anything else._ This wasn't even a real thing, this wasn't how normal people operated. He was aware that when sexually attracted to someone the sight and feel of their organs could incite arousal and they could even desire and find pleasure in just touch and taste…But that was not how Light felt, his obsession with that beautiful _thing_ was neither cause nor effect in a complicated and complete sexuality; it simply was itself, isolated and entire.

He was just fucking obsessed with L's cock.

It was just so stupid. So fucking stupid! Light balled up all his rage inside him and screamed in his own head with frustration. He felt sick, he felt hysterical, he felt entirely ridden with shame and just, just plain bloody irritation. Because this simply was not even a legitimate thing, this was not a proper bloody condition!

And of course everyone noticed his deterioration; those bitten nails, those pale, glazed eyes. Most particularly L, the man most likely adding every minute characteristic of Light's current disposition to his mental assessment and his little Kira percentages.

At night, on those rare nights when L would sleep, his inevitable crash, Light would like awake and listen to his regular breathing and he would wonder…just wonder…If only he could just slip his hand across ever so softly…and touch without being noticed.

He would drift off into that sweet fantasy, to just imagine carefully reaching over the other man's body, L sleeping soundly, and then slowly slide his hand underneath the trousers and the underwear to touch – oh to touch! – that warm flesh that occupied his mind completely. It would be so soft, so smooth, so warm while L slept peacefully, he could rest his hand between the man's thighs, secure and gentle, he could curl his fingers softly around the organ. It would be so simple, so easy. It would not wake L, no, he would be so careful, so gentle, L would sleep soundly, undisturbed. It would be bliss.

But Light knew he mustn't. Not ever. He couldn't ever take that risk. Never. It was just a fantasy, one that he would ache with so desperately, yes, but one that could not be acted upon. L would wake, Light was sure, L would wake. Even if he thought he could, that he might be able to manage it, if he was so very, very careful, there was still a chance that L _might_ wake. He could never ever try it. Never.

But he wanted it so badly. He felt like every second was torture and that being able to have contact, to have possession would be the only way he would achieve solace, he would feel truly content. It would be bliss.

He wanted it like a child wanted a toy, with a craving that ate at him from the inside and made him want to scream and cry and throw tantrums, tear about the house, kick and bite and bawl. And everything else was worthless, he was sick of the world, he would destroy every other thing he owned from pure rage and disgust and anger. He hated everything and everyone else. He didn't want anything else. He couldn't live, not unless he had that thing. Yes, that was how he felt.

He pushed cubes of sugar into his mouth, crunch and swallow. It tasted awful and his stomach churned but he just kept eating. He had no answers and he couldn't curb the craving.

It was like a slap in the face when L confronted him,

"I insist you tell me what is currently hindering your abilities and basic functioning."

L's cold monotone actually stung. Light's ears ached. He felt exceptionally irritated by L's register; so demanding, so condescending, so imperial. He stood while Light sat, within the small room that served as a bedroom for the two of them. The chain stretched across between them.

"You are not working at anywhere near an acceptable level and I am unable to determine by simple observation the nature of your disorder," L elaborated. Light simply sat in silence and stared at the other man; smooth skin, tight lips, narrow eyes. L met his gaze.

"I am not the only one lacking in motivation, L," Light said at last, his voice low and sure, "you yourself have been performing at a less than satisfactory level."

"I would contest that Light-kun," L responded sharply, "our two approaches and actions are incomparable, besides the fact that I am actually still working reasonably efficiently there is still a number of differences. The reasons for this change in your behaviour are unknown to me while my lack of motivation is both obvious and already clearly stated. I am sure that you do not want to jeopardise the Kira investigation so therefore the lapse in your abilities must be out of your control. I do not think it is unreasonable however for me to ask you to attempt to explain your condition."

Light did not respond to this, only lowered his eyes, his bitter lips tight, his face shielded by his auburn hair. He became aware, after a few moments of silence of L drawing across the room to seat himself down upon the bed. When he spoke again his voice was low, soft, an unexpected tone.

"You can confide in me, Light," he murmured, "please do. I can assure I will not betray your confidence, not if it is upon a matter unrelated to the investigation." This approach however did not coax any response from Light though.

"Is it…something private?" L asked very quietly, tilting his head slightly to find Light's face underneath the golden-brown strands of hair. Light twisted the sheets in his hands, feeling himself flushed with a curious mixture of anger and acute distress. Slowly he nodded. L brought his hand up to his mouth, thoughtful, calm.

"Is it…something…medical?" L asked. Light shook his head. "You are not unwell in any way?" L asked and Light confirmed once more,

"I am healthy, as far as I am aware," his voice was low and quiet.

"You have been sick quite a bit over the past few days," L said uncertainly, "but you have not been eating well…is my lifestyle affecting you? You have come to adopt an extreme change of diet. It was not my intention that my arrangement for observation would impact upon you in this way. I will definitely provide for you to have any kind of food you require, I never intended for your nutrition to suffer…"

"It's not that," Light hissed, his rough tone suprising L. Light choked back his emotion and whispered, "please L, I am fine."

L leant back, uncertain and thoughtful. He put his finger to his lips and lowered his eyes,

"Then…" he murmured, "is it something…emotional, psychological?" His eyes focussed on Light's hands, clenched so tight that the knuckles had gone white. "Light, you're trembling…"

"I can't," Light croaked, he couldn't hold back the desperation any more, "you wouldn't understand, I can't…"

L sat in silence, blinking at the boy in front of him. Then he lowered his eyes and whispered,

"If it is…emotional, psychological…something that is upsetting you…causing you pain or distress….then this distress must be answered." Light shook his head, a little toss and tremulous, hollow laugh.

"You don't understand."

"Then please, try and explain it to me…if it is complex then be precise. I will endeavour to understand exactly…I shall not make any assumptions." Light raised his eyes to L's once more in view of this assurance, then drew them away again, to one side, as he thought.

"It is…" He felt the shame overcome him, like a painful burn, it twisted his voice towards the end of his sentence, "partly sexual…" L's eyes registered sincere surprise, then softened to their dull usual state as he considered this revelation carefully.

"I see," he murmured.

"But," Light protested with a sudden sense of urgency, "it's not something that's truly sexual, not to me, it's a desire that has…erotic…" he choked on the word, "connotations…it hinges on…on things that are undeniably sexual but my own feelings on the matter…it is only an emotional, a mental thrill, a neutral desire…" he felt his expression twisted with desperation and disgust. L's large, doe-like eyes blinked softly and slowly.

"I think," he said gently, "I am going to need you to be specific…forgive me for it but I feel I cannot understand exactly what you mean without context." In reply to this he saw Light's eyes widen and the young man shake his head furiously.

"I can't, L, I can't…" he lowered his head once more, and the desperation was still in his voice, "I can't L, you wouldn't understand…It's…something I can't say. I can't." L watched him with an expression that was pure compassion. He moved across the bed closer to Light, staring at him with a gaze gentler than anything else Light had ever witnessed. His curiosity glistened in his eyes; an overpowering humour.

"Is it…something criminal?" He asked softly. Light shook his head firmly. "Then, you can tell me, whatever it is, you can tell me, in confidence."

"No…L…" Light whispered, he twisted his hands in the sheets, "L…it's a psychological disorder…it's not natural or normal…it's…deviant." He sounded utterly sick with himself. L frowned at this shocking and sad little riddle.

"Is it something that you would consider to be immoral?" He asked thoughtfully, "something harmful?" Light bent his head low for a few moments but replied,

"No…it's not immoral…"

"Then tell me Light," L whispered, "If it is complicated, then explain, I shall listen, I shall be patient. If it is unusual or unhealthy I shall still understand, I will understand."

Light's breath was low and steady, he raised his head to look L in the eyes, then shifted his position. Gathering all his nerves and shifting his eyes he blurted out;

"L-would you-would you ever – let me-" And at that his nerve entirely broke for even at that little fractured request L's eyes widened like saucers, wide black shuddering discs of shock, and Light felt himself drowning in shame. He lowered his head, hiding his face and tried to restrain the self-loathing that made him want to truly die. L could only stare, his mouth partly open, his breath uneven with the shock. For a time that was all there was; the breathing.

Light knew that he had to explain now, that he had to force it all out, but he wasn't sure he could do it. He twisted the sheets in his clenched fists.

"I…It's not like that…" He stuttered, his voice hoarse, petrified, "please…don't…" and then he just trailed off. Then there was just the quiet again.

"What is it you want?" L said, his voice slow and rough, a current of shock very discernable in the tone, in the way his voice trembled, "what is it you feel?" Light made a noise, half way between a mirthless laugh and a dry sob; a strange choking shuddering in his breathing.

"It's…it's your…" he kept his head lowered, he wasn't looking at the other man, he couldn't. He swallowed again and steadied himself. He forced the words out. "It's your...penis."

Once again the shame was overwhelming. Mortifying. He wanted to die.

"My penis," L repeated, even his low, dull tones sounded hoarse. He sounded so shocked. Light shifted uncomfortably, his eyes determinedly cast down.

"I just…I just…like it," Light whispered. At this point he felt a surprising little rush of cool relief, enough to allow him to raise his head and glance towards L. The other man's expression took him aback however considerably.

L's face was flushed completely red, his usually pale snow-white complexion utterly consumed by an overpowering _blush_. It stunned Light to see something so unexpected, so sensitive in the other man. L's eyes flickered away from Light; his embarrassment was something so intense that even he couldn't conceal it. He had his knees hitched right up to his chin and he clutched his legs nervously while he avoided Light's eyes.

"You…" the usually stoic young detective couldn't even prevent his dull monotone from crackling, "you _like_ it?"

"Yes," whispered Light tremulously.

"What do you want then?" L demanded, there was something quite sharp in his voice, a slight quavering, "what…what exactly is it that you want to do?"

"I just…" Light shifted himself nervously once more, "I just want to touch it…to…play with it…" he looked way again, his face determinedly to one side while he asserted with his reserves of resolute courage; "I'd like to give you oral."

He could almost feel a fresh wave of shock washing over the man whom he was addressing, he could map it out in his breathing.

"But this…" L said after a time, his voice lower again, as he carefully measured out his senses and followed his thought processes, "this is not a sexual desire on your part?"

"No," Light said firmly, raising his head again to look at L; to register his sincerity. "It's not a sexual desire…I just…want it…"

"But Light…" L drew one hand up to bite at his nails nervously and flickered his eyelashes down over his eyes once more, "if you…if you were to…perform these acts upon me…I would…become aroused…"

"Well…" Light frowned, in uncertain confusion, "of course."

"Surely," L raised his eyes to meet Light's once more, "that would make you…uncomfortable, wouldn't it?" Light felt himself let out a strange little surprised laugh.

"No," he replied, "of course not." L's eyes were upon him, shining and uncertain. He met the gaze, his heart thudding frantically in his chest.

"Would you though?" he asked, feeling the desperation, the hunger beginning to coarse through him again, "would you actually let me do it?" L's eyes blinked erratically and he gnawed at his nails.

Very slowly he nodded, but protested, quietly,

"But Light…you must realise that…If you did these things…I would…I would feel…" He lowered his head and just chewed his nails.

"I don't care," Light objected, surprised even at this reasoning being voiced, "I wouldn't mind at all, just please, L!" He leant forward suddenly, causing L's eyes to widen once more and his body to tense, "please," Light begged, "just let me do this."

L's large black eyes blinked at him softly but he nodded once more,

"okay."

Such a simple word. Consent. It was so beautiful. It filled Light with such pure joy, such peace, such delight and contentment. He just leant back and smiled the sweetest smile that ever graced his handsome young features.

L spent a few moments regarding Light with fascination before crawling across the bed behind him to rearrange the pillows.

"We'll get under the covers then," L suggested, "to lie comfortably." Light nodded, rising briefly to allow L to slide underneath the sheets and rest his back against the pillows. He got in beside the other man, very aware of the awkward atmosphere around him. Regardless of this, once Light was lying down beside him, L reached underneath the covers and began to undo his jeans.

Light watched as L wriggled out of them and pushed them aside to rest on the floor. Then – with baited breath – he watched as the other man slid out of his underwear, pulling the boxers out from under the cover to drop them upon the floor beside his jeans. L performed both these operations hidden beneath the covers but then, once he was naked from the waist down, he turned his gaze on to Light and awkwardly drew the covers down to expose himself.

From that moment on, L ceased to exist for Light, there was only _the thing_ which in a rush of delirious happiness, consumed his complete attention.

He was sliding down, to lie between L's legs, and caressing the other man's thighs, his fingers skirting towards the object of his obsession. The object. He was vaguely aware of L shivering as he drew so close to his most private area, probably disconcerted by the feeling of the other man's breath upon him, then his attention was entirely focussed as he reached out to finally curve his hand around the organ and stroke slowly down.

It was beautiful. Light couldn't explain the bizarre and wonderful feelings that over took him at the touch but it simply made something shiver inside him; it was a warm delightful feeling in his tummy. It was just _nice._ So nice.

It was quite firm, a comfortable weight, although L seamed mostly relaxed, he ran his hand up and down, closing his hand around the organ and rubbing with his thumb and forefinger, a gentle pressure, upon the warm skin. He found that L began to harden at this touch, his leisurely strokes, and delighted in the feeling of the organ firming up more in his hand. He brought his other hand across to caress, one hand above the other, massaging surely and purposefully.

Soon L was almost completely erect and Light stared at the beautiful treasure standing upright between the man's thighs. His face was a pure and sincere expression of fascination and delight. He leant forward, at last, to tentatively run his tongue along the length, upward, twisting his tongue deftly at the end. He brought his lips down again immediately, closing them hungrily around sideways around the width of the firm flesh and sucked. He opened and closed his mouth once more bringing in more flesh and running his tongue over the hot skin before sucking hungrily. They were French kisses, bringing in the flesh and sucking, using tongue and lips passionately. Then he pulled back to take the length up into his mouth and suck hard at it.

He delighted at the feeling of L hardening more in his mouth, feeling the man's perfect instrument getting warmer, more full, hot with blood. He sucked hard and long, bringing the muscle wetly into his mouth, drawing it right in against his throat and bringing his mouth down hard to suck and tongue and just ravish the hot, beautiful organ. Hungrily, so hungrily, he had L's legs spread open wide now and was quite simply devouring the man with his fast wet mouth.

Above him, in another world as far as Light was concerned, L was hopelessly lost in the pleasure, panting and moaning desperately, unable to restrain himself at all at the warm and absolute heat that encased him, his pelvic region entirely awash with heat as Light's mouth sucked at him mercilessly. He whimpered and moaned, his eyes fixed on the image of Light's head moving up and down, hungrily thrusting L's organ deep into his mouth and sucking – actually properly sucking at him as if he were a sweet lollypop, every mark of delicious pleasure upon his handsome young features as he made passionate love to L with his mouth. As he absolutely fucked L with his hot wet mouth, his head right down between L's trembling thighs.

L cried out, his scream of pleasure stuttering between his shuddering laboured breathing, his whole body was now soaked in sweat, his white shirt sticking to his chest. He was gripping the sheets, his head pressed back on the pillow, eyes shut and his entire body trembling at the onslaught occurring hotly at his hips. His cries filled the room, he couldn't contain himself, desperate and furious with pleasure, preying for it to end yet wanting more, more until it surged right into his core and tore him apart in ecstasy. His cry was a high whimpering, tossing his head as Light's mouth just continued to drive pleasure through his body in hot terrible waves, shuddering through his pelvis.

Oh God! He couldn't help it. It just felt so good, so right, deep down and perfect, tearing him apart in ecstasy, throbbing, unbearable pleasure.

_Yes, yes, yes, yes_! He couldn't help it, he just couldn't, it was a mantra within his head and his trembling lips whimpered the words beyond his control. Pleading, begging and just affirming the pleasure, the action which was occurring. _More, more, oh god yes! Please, please, don't stop…please please Light! Light! _

He had lost everything, all his senses as he screamed in pleasure.

He was wet, throbbing, and Light was delighting in the sensation, the sudden wetness of precum and the hot pulsing, sucking harder. L squeezed his thighs tight around Light's head, the boy's tousled hair brushing against his hot, damp legs as he continued unhindered, and gripped the sheets tight.

L felt the pleasure come down to an unbearable throb and then he was crying out with one immense thrust and then he was spent, feeling his cum spilling out into Light's mouth, a steady flow that he rode in climax until he felt himself entirely done. He was falling back to lie, panting gently, his legs sliding down tremulously while Light swallowed, lapping him up with fervour.

His fervour did not pass, the boy pressed his face firmly into L's pelvis still sucking and licking at L lovingly. In the haze preceding his climax, his body warmly flowing with ecstasy, he opened his eyes in a flutter of lashes discovering his eyes wet from the physical onslaught. With his heart still thudding and his body warm and limp he looked down to regard the boy who was still loving him with his mouth.

He felt his mind stagger slightly with surprise and curious wonder at the sight that met his eyes. He stared at Light's still closed eyes, his expression; satisfied, blissful, comfortable, and delirious. It was quite shocking in it's alien nature.

The boy was utterly oblivious.

The boy was…content. What was more L could see that he had no intent of relinquishing possession and arising from his trance. L brought his hand up to just rest his fingers upon his lips, feeling the warmth of the blush upon his cheeks.

It was unbelievable. Oddly fascinating. He could not see the slightest sign of arousal upon Light Yagami's features, only sweet and pure enjoyment. Asexual pleasure, the same joy L might feel for sweets only somehow much more intense, complete and uncompromising. He shifted ever so slightly, awkwardly and sighed, reaching down to caress Light's hair, gently stroking and playing with caramel locks. Light's hair was warm, from the heat from L's thighs and the friction of his hips but with fingers travelling down to stroke to touch Light's neck L found no evidence of heat from Light's own body, no sweat.

It was entirely surprising, L found himself at a loss to understand Light's fixation, his pure enjoyment of this…act. Furthermore he felt a slight wash of shame at his own pleasure, his own arousal. Although it was clear that Light was enjoying this and enjoying it very much somehow…it just wasn't in a sexual way and that made L feel quite shamed, quite embarrassed and anxious.

He sighed and leant back again, coaxing himself into contentment, taking the sensation of Light's lips and tongue now as a sweet and gentle pleasure; the boy was clearly not intending to cease his ministrations any time soon. L brought his hand up to rest upon his chest to feel his own heartbeat, the heat from his skin.

He felt he had sinned. He felt the sin between his thighs. He felt bad. He felt guilty. He wanted Light to stop now although the sensation was still warm and pleasant. He was drained and he felt bad.

He reached down to push Light away, trying to pull out of the boy's mouth and buck his hips away, up the bed. Light tousled his head against L's hand, his eyebrows frowning in irritation, reaching up to grip at L's hips and hold his tight, stop him wriggling away.

"Light!" L said loudly, firmly. He was ignored.

The boy was _oblivious._

"LIGHT!" L shouted reaching down to grab the boy's shoulder, pinching hard at the skin. This elicited a response; an unhappy moan and growl that ended in a gurgle at the base of Light's filled mouth while his jerked his shoulder trying to throw L off.

Unable to see any other options L found himself having to wrestle Light off of him, eventually delivering a hard slap across Light's face which _at last_ caused the boy to gasp and remove himself from L. Light recoiled, his eyes opening wide, pupils gradually focusing sharply, his mouth open and saliva trickling down his chin. He brought his hand up, blinking, and shuddered before his face twisted, his eyes snapped shut and – to L's heart-wrenching horror – he burst into tears.

For a few moments L could only stare at Light in shock while the boy shook with sobs, his arms wrapped around himself and his nails digging harshly into his own skin.

_He wanted to die from shame. He wanted to die. _

L blinked once or twice more then slowly, gathering the sheets around himself as he moved, he crawled forward to comfort the boy. Light protested, some incomprehensible words between his sobs, pushing L away and shaking his head, his face twisted with emotional agony.

"Light, it's okay," L whispered, "It's okay." Light at last let him wrap his arms around him and lay against him limply, his head against the other man's shoulder.

"I'm so disgusting," he sobbed, "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? Oh God!" L felt his hands twist distractedly, gripping the material of L's shirt at his back.

"Light, you're not disgusting," L said gently, getting only harsher, angry sobs in response to this protestation. "It's okay Light, please, there's nothing wrong with you."

"I'm not right!" Light protested in a rough cry, "You know I'm not right! Oh my God what's the matter with me? I can't bear it. I'm so disgusting, L, I'm so sorry. I'm so sick." He descended into further sobs.

L stroked Light's hair softly and whispered to him,

"No it's okay Light, it's okay. Just lie down with me Light and we'll talk about it. Lets lie down and talk…"

Eventually he managed to coax the distraught boy down, he had to pull away from him to find his underwear, he now was feeling distinctly uncomfortable without it, but he returned to lie beside Light and wrap one arm around him while stroking his hair with the other. He had never comforted anyone like this before, never touched anyone like this before. The situation was very painful.

"You know this isn't normal," Light whispered to him, his voice a desolate hiss, "you know this isn't natural."

L had no words of reassurance upon that matter, no true comfort as Light so desperately desired. Validation was something L could not provide; he had seen all too clearly that Light had developed a fixation that was indeed wholly abnormal.

"Does it matter?" He whispered back at last, being as gentle with the boy as possible.

"Of course it does!" Light replied, "how could it not?"

"Light…" L began, feeling his own wash of shame overcome him as he struggled, "you know that…what you did…gave me…sexual pleasure don't you."

"Of course," Light whispered breaking into fresh sobs, "how could it not? Oh God! What is the matter with me?" L lay still and bit his lip, staring at the boy as he cried.

"Does that…disgust you?" L whispered, "that I felt…arousal and sexual pleasure?" Light closed his eyes and shook his head.

"No, I didn't mind. I didn't mind at all…I only cared about…" he trailed off into further sobs.

"I don't find…your ambivalence disgusting, Light," L responded softly.

"But it's not right L!" Light cried desperately, "you know it's not right! You bloody well know it!"

"But Light," L whispered desperately, "what is there wrong about it? If…if we both took pleasure from it and it was consensual…there is nothing wrong with it. It's okay." Light brought his hands up to cover his face and rubbed his eyes, his chest shook but he quietened considerably.

"You won't tell anyone," Light whispered at length, "please, tell me, you won't ever tell anyone."

"No," L promised, "no, never. It will be between us only. Always, secret…" Light was quietened greatly now, just breathing raggedly.

"If it's just between us then…if no one knows…then it can be okay, it can be okay. As long as you don't mind…as long as you let me – and I don't disgust you – it doesn't disgust you."

"It doesn't," L whispered, "I don't, it is okay Light. It is okay."

"And it really doesn't…it really doesn't…" Light wrapped his arms around L, clinging to the other man, "and you do like it, you really do like it, really…"

"Yes Light," L confessed, feeling himself flush but the words cleansing, "I…do…I really like it. I'm sorry. I can't help it…I do like it…"

"Then you'll always let me," Light whispered, his voice a quiet, quiet hush by this point, "you'll always let me…just between us…"

"You're allowed," L replied softly, "you're allowed always – to touch me – it's okay."

"L," Light whispered hugging the other man closer to him. They then laid in silence, Light lying close up against L whilst he softly ran his fingers through the boy's hair and stroked his back.

_Just never tell. Never never tell. _

_

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A/N: Longest oneshot ever. Nom nom nom. XD

Is six and half inches alright? That seemed plenty big to me, and it's only for playing with....

Please no flame. This story does exactly what it says on the tin. No refunds. :P

.........

Nom nom nom nom nom nom


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